I am a huge fan of Daily Om. They hit my email up once a day and I love it! If you are not familiar, check them out, you will not be disappointed. While perusing their site I decided to try a new course. There are so many!! I could scroll for days, and days.
Last year, long before the birth of Road to Spirit I came across this one: 21 Tapping Meditations for Emotional Eating and Beyond.
My reaction: ''Tapping, oh please! '' 🙄I scrolled on and as I did so, I felt a sense of relief. So much relief in fact, that it made me stop. Why was I so threatened by this course? I literally knew nothing about tapping....nothing. Sure, the skeptic in me thinks my problems are bigger than tapping but I cant just write it off.
I know that for some of you the answer is obvious, but for me it was quite a revelation. It was the second part of the title that had me running - Emotional Eating and Beyond. No one wants to acknowledge these things. No one wants to be a mess, no one wants to have to work. We want to be the man/woman on the magazine - Air brushed, perfect, care free. Meh. I bought the course....
The course is designed and hosted by Marcella Friel, relatable, Mindful Eating Mentor with kind eyes. She talks me through in a cool, calm and collected voice that sets me at ease. I dive into the first lesson, as I tap, tap, tap I feel my sinuses drain (Yay, I'll take it) Honestly, I didn't know if it would work but I could not dispute that I felt good afterwards. Really good. Aaaaand with that, my interest was peaked, as the course went on I knew that I meant to see it and meant to buy it!😆
Now I could take you through lesson by lesson but would not do Marcella any good. It is not a free course and I will not dilute it's value buy spilling the beans online. I will tell you about my experience with lesson 12, Healing Your Wounded Younger Self, what I discovered was profound and overwhelming.
During this lesson ~I am called to access a memory of my younger self and work with it. I had no idea what to even look for, but suddenly I was 'in it' and I saw it with a clarity that was both astonishing and eerie. I am at school in standard 2. I can see the quad, the class the teacher the leaves on the trees. I am literally back there, though, I don't know why. The Teacher, Mrs Van Wyk - Soooo strict- comes out and announces that we are doing Maths outside in the quad and puts us into pairs. I'm still confused as to why I'm remembering this... then she brought out a scale and announced that we will continue with mass.
Have you ever seen a horror movie where the scene darkens and the camera 'tunnel visions' to the source of dread? That is exactly what happens to me.😱 ''We will weigh ourselves and make comparisons with our partner.'' Her words trigger me. I feel sick with worry, my heart is racing I am panicking. I am only 10! Why do I have such body image issues? Where did I amass such amounts of shame in such a short life time? How have I learnt self loathing already? I am horrified by the pain and shame and panic in my younger self. I sob.
We eventually get around to weighing. A staggering 42kg. It might as well have 642kg. I am devastated and ashamed and sweating. I beg my partner not to tell anyone. Poor me, this little girl is so damaged. The next thing I remember clearly is the look on my partner's face. She is so confused. She has no idea what I am on about, she is not petrified of weight, she has no body image issues she is not damaged. She literally didn't give a shit about my weight and thought I was odd for reacting as I did. These issues are all mine, and mine alone.
Thankfully I am not left to fend off this mess alone, Marcella still guiding me in the background, helps me bring this to a close. She helps me, help myself and in the end I filled with the same relief I felt when I scrolled on. Imagine if I had listened to the fear? This would have remained hidden, silently attacking my attempts at health.
By the end of this lesson I am able to look at this memory with joy! No, I will not tell you how, do the course.
NOTE - I have to say it: What the hell kind of teacher makes kids weigh and compare themselves? OMG Lady!!!!😱🙄😬 I was in standard 2 in 1994. Thankfully times have changed.
Lastly, thank you Marcella Friel, thank you Daily Om. 🙏🏼💚