I have been so busy! I have submitted no less than 50 000 words in assignments and after all of that, I felt as though I had no words left. Well, no intelligent words anyway.
The relief after submitting was amazing! I still have a huge amount going on and the stress still cripples me when I'm not grounded and focused. So, when a friend asked me to go out the other night, I said no for a few reasons but mainly because I'm exhausted. Luckily the lovely Sam Sequeira has mad persuasion skills and we soon found ourselves dancing and shooting tequila - like Mexicans!
I love to dance! When the music is good I disappear into whatever is playing. I'm sure I look like I'm just really enjoying myself, but the fact is I have checked out! It becomes a cathartic release of whatever needs purging. Amongst the fun and scream singing I received a very interesting, very powerful lesson.
While miles away and, singing Tina Turner's Simply the Best I was suddenly in the arms of a very broad, very tall, dark-haired twenty-something. He was trying to dance with me. I say 'trying' because he was Afrikaans and therefore quite ept at dancing the sokkie. (an Afrikaans style of dance) I am not and therefore not! Because he is so tall it looks like I'm cuddling his pec, when in fact I am leaning on it laughing to the point of tears. The whole thing is awkward and hysterical to watch!!!!! The only person laughing more than me is Sam...I might have to resuscitate her later.
Eventually there is a pause in the chaos and this young man looks me in the eyes and says ''stop it! Just let me lead you.'' I am washed over by sense of shock and find myself speechless (I'm sure you can imagine how often that happens). I eventually manage two words. ''I can't''. How bizarre that on this random Wednesday, this random 'youngin' managed to sum up one of the biggest issues my life in one statement. Still not ready to relinquish control I manage to stand on his toes. Ha haaaaa! 🤦🏻♀️ ''Sorry'' I say when I'm not laughing.
He bends over and says ''ok, just close your eyes.'' So, first, I rolled those 'all knowing' eyes and then did as I was told. This is when everything inside my head went quite and I told myself to let him lead me. I eventually realise that we are in fact moving together. When I managed to shut up and trust him for a few seconds I felt some interesting things.
The next move: I suppose to dancers and non-control freaks it would seem obvious that we can read our dance partner's gestures and anticipate what he/she wants us to do next. I was completely surprised by it.
The feeling of surrender: I chase surrender-often. I allude to it more than that but, in so doing I am trying to control it. In this space, spurred on by tequila, being old enough to care about anyone else and Tina Turner, I feel clearly what it is like not to have to be prepared, or the boss, or in charge and just FLOW WITH IT!
Quiet and presence: In this quiet space I manage to be completely in the moment and just have the hugest amount of fun!
Yes, I have experienced these things in meditation but that is me, alone. No one else to consider. This is different because I had to let another person decide. I literally had no obligation and in that freedom I caught a glimpse what it is that I am supposed to learn. I imagine my guides doing shots and throwing a ''finally party''.😉
At the end of the song, I open my eyes and see this giant guy is smiling the widest smile. I kiss him on the cheek and say ''thank you, you have no idea how much you just taught me.'' He winks and says, ''well I'm a good dancer.'' ha ha 😂- bless him. He will never know.
OMG! I know it reads a bit like a kitch romance novel, but it was really profound, and I am grateful!!!
What a night!!! There is in fact a video of the whole thing, I have instructed all parties involved to delete immediately!!!