I have been repeating a pattern. Meh, running like a hamster on the wheel of self sabotage. It would seem that this will be my nemesis, the greatest test of my lifetime. Perhaps I will eventually be able to catch myself before I start as opposed to seeing the wheel only once I'm on it. 🙄
As winter kicks in, my own bones begin to stage a revolt against the cold. The metal in my body freezes and I become less agile. I also did something to my knee so I had to take a week off - no exercise whatsoever. This makes me soooo miserable. 😢 Exercise is a huge part of my grounding process so I have been 'off' and disconnected. As I habitually spiralled downwards I shovelled rubbish in to my face and all but abandoned my spiritual practice.
Come Sunday night and I feel sick and irritated with myself. Body screaming for a detox and mind cluttered I commit to a clean slate come Monday. ( I always giggle when I do this, as if Monday's are magical and wash away the misdeeds of Tuesday through Sunday. Think about it, how many times have you said ''I'll start on Monday.'') Nevertheless, I commit to putting the train back on the rails.
04:30 and a familiar song plays far out in the distance. I know what it means but I decide to sing along to The Weeknd's - Call out my name in my sleep instead of springing to action..... 05:30 and I jump. Shit!!! Out on the patio I take some deep breaths and in I go. It was actually wonderful to sit and be quiet, to remember why I do all of this. I did not dive straight back in and experience a profound, life altering meditation, but I certainly feel better. I set my intentions for the day, reflected on the type person I want to be and finally pulled some Tarots...
✨Star Reversed, ⚔ Queen of Swords, and a very clear message from the 🥤3 of Cups. How apt?
The Point: We are never too far gone. You will never reach a point where you cannot pick up and start again. Hopefully I will be able to hush the saboteur before the spiral begins, but until then I acknowledge my progress, the spirals are definitely shorter!!! Yay! Don't give up, give it another go...💚💚
Good things to come... 👇