Love it or hate it, we have to exercise. It is good for us and we know it. Quite frankly, I think raising two boys and being married is exercise enough but alas, it doesn't do the trick. I walk my staffie 5km a day and that is really good for my mental health and perhaps stamina but I need to get the heart rate up and work some muscle.
Enter: Nick - Super fit boy child who I now pay to torture me. 🏋️
That may be a slight exaggeration...he's 26. The rest is all true! I acknowledged that I needed to do something so I hired Nick to train me in the park, in public...FML. Let me give you a run down of our first session.
Meet in the park, give him a detailed account of my many injuries and surgeries.
Told him that I have zero upper body strength and cannot do push ups because I have at least 40kg of boobs. -the struggle is real.- He nods in understanding.
And we start:
1. Push-ups: FML. 🤷🏻♀️ After doing 30 I try to get up. Only to discover that my brain has cut off all communication with my traumatised left arm. I face plant. Fabulous!. ''That's good'' he says. I swear him in my mind.
2. Sit-ups: I start off quite well. Luckily, I am determined and I don't give up easily. Towards the end I can feel myself pulling to the left in a strange and twisted attempt to finish. I try to imagine what I look like and end up giggling. Poor boy child doesn't know what to do with me.
3. While running on the spot I am forced to acknowledge that I need a proper sports bra. Good Lord, after two babies and general “weight up-weight down” drama, these girls have a mind of their own. As I am running, jiggling and bouncing I see all the people coming home from work. I then realise that I don't give a shit. I'm here for a purpose. They can watch me get fitter on a weekly basis!
4. I am feeling quite good about myself. Super fit boy child is regarding me very carefully. I suspect he’s making sure that I'm not going to have a heart attack. SQUATS! yay! Omg!😬 Up and down I go. It’s not too bad. ''I can hear your ankle'' says Nick. -I swear him in my mind. He then follows with, ''anything else I should know about? Diabetes maybe?'' WTF!!! I tell him that not all fat people have diabetes. He half laughs. - I swear him in my mind.
5. We find an embankment. Go up, come down, go up come down. Now even though it‘s a tiny embankment when I reach the top I feel like I summit Kilimanjaro. Boobs bounce in delight on the way down. I am red and hot and breathing like I have Asthma. ''Excellent'' he says. I swear him in my mind. We high five.
The rest was pretty much the same. At the end there are two things I have to acknowledge
* I am so glad I went!!!! I'm proud of me.
* I am really glad Nick can't read minds.
Please note, that as I type this I am a reservoir of lactic acid and can barely move! 😩😩
I am determined, onwards...