Updated: Jan 5, 2022
I'm sure we've all heard about setting boundaries. ”They are so important, be assertive etc etc.” So, I take comfort in knowing that I know about boundaries, and I think I have them, but I don't really put any effort into them. Well why not?
1. I have encountered many people who say things like... 'I'm not trying to be a bitch but... -says something exceedingly bitchy- that's just my boundary.'' I can't with these people and I associated boundaries with them.
2. I'm feisty, and what comes with that is the assumption (by others and myself) that I have 'my shit' together. My boundaries are clear and firm. Haaa haaa, 😂😂 NO, this couldn't be further from the truth. I often say ‘treat others how you want to be treated.‘ I stand by that, but that is not a boundary. That is me hiding behind a basic humanitarian expectation and claiming it as my own, I am then wounded or appalled when people overstep. The fact is the line was blurred to begin with.
The way people treat me is governed by two things:
Their own life experiences.
The way I have allowed them to treat me in the past.
This IS NOT WORKING FOR ME! I have no trouble getting into my own head, letting others in just causes chaos. I'm tired of being blindly loyal and then being bitterly disappointed when people don't do what I perceive to be the right thing. Sam Sequiera (See inspiring people) and I spoke about this recently. How are people supposed to know what to you expect if you haven't told them. If you haven't actually laid the boundary down you are doomed to annoyance, defensiveness and possible hurt.
For me it is enough. I have started laying the boundaries down. The first one came on the back of severe irritation and may have been delivered with a forked tongue (which I regret) but, it has not been crossed since. It is a beautiful thing to stand up for yourself. I am no longer under the weight of familial expectations and general nonsense, I do not tolerate what lowers my vibe. FREEDOM! I had no idea how much this bothered me until I started to release it.
We don't get to throw caution to wind and live without accountability. I endeavour to be a good human, I have to respect other people's boundaries and although I am no longer wiling to carry their crap I am still compassionate and kind. Its like a see-saw. You have to work to maintain balance.
Choose yourself, you deserve it!