Be the Light!!!!
Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation. It took me down memory lane and brought to the fore, a sad but very real truth.
A friend and I were openly discussing our experiences with depression. Neither of us particularly phased and not in the least embarrassed. It turns out that she is starting to wean off of her medication. As we spoke, a third lady who was in ear shot joined the conversation. She -in contrast- was at the very beginning and only starting her medication.
She is struggling to come to terms with the fact that she needs medication. If we encountered a person who refused blood pressure meds because they are strong enough to ’deal’ we would think them an idiot. Still, we all harbour the desire to be perfect and not need meds for our metal health. Like there’s a prize after death, for getting through life without any help. 🙄 I empathised, I remember that feeling, I remember the self-talk it provoked:
Fabulous, I'm weak. I'm not together. What will people say? I wont tell them. I'm basically crazy. I'm such a disappointment. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? No one else I know needs meds. OMG! I'm all alone, I'm a failure.
As we spoke we I recalled that, at the very beginning of my friend’s journey I saw her in the park. I distinctly remember that she had no make up on. (she's bloody gorgeous with or without) but it was unusual. I went to chat to her and she started telling me about her breakdown and where she was at. She said ''Ya, now I'm one of those people on meds''
This is what I said to her: ''Depression is one of those things that people don't talk about. The fact is, once, you get your head around taking that pill - its a Panado. Just do it and TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK!!!!!'' I cannot tell you how many people I have given this speech to. And now here she was giving her version, coloured by her raw and beautiful experiences, to someone else. How amazing!!!!
I find it difficult to sufficiently express how going through depression changed my life for the better. That, lost, running, emotionally retarded, boundary-less, 'serial-coper' would have been the death of me. All of us who have 'been there and done that' and come out fierce—er, will just have to light the way for anyone at the beginning.
I'm still not 100% sure what my purpose is, but I came here to learn. Imagine my guides watching me for all those years. ''I'm fine, it's fine, that's fine, everything is fine!!!'' OMG, shame. 😱 (No wonder they are so hectic now.) Nevertheless, I learnt, and if I can make easier for another, then is it my responsibility to do so.
Here is my advice for the people at the beginning:
Fabulous, I'm weak - You're not weak, you're exhausted from being so strong for so long.
I'm not together - Haaa haaaa😂 No, you're not. No one is.
What will people say? - Who cares! 🤷🏻♀️But if you're brave and speak up, you'll see that ignorant people are the minority and the majority are inherently good and understanding.
I wont tell them - Up to you, it’s not their business anyway.
I'm basically crazy - Nope, whats crazy is running around pretending that nothing affects you. You're on your way to freedom. 💚
I'm such a disappointment - To who? Are they living your life? Or did you set the bar this high for yourself?
Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? - Nothing, but its time to start cleaning out. It's so hard but you'll remember it with compassion and love. Don't give up!
No one else I know needs meds - Please believe me when I tell you that you probably know a bunch of people who needed meds. A bunch of brave people!
I'm all alone - Nooooo, you are not alone. Read it again...you are'not alone. That's the lack of serotonin talking. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
OMG! I'm a faliure.- Nope you're a caterpillar.....do the work! The butterfly is coming!
In 2021, I can't believe that there is still stigma around depression.... sad but true. For those who know very little about depression or have no experience with it: If you can't relate or be compassionate - be quiet. It feels like the foundations of your life have crumbled, so telling someone with depression to 'cheer up; or 'stay positive' or that 'they are stronger than this.' IS NOT HELPFUL!!!!
Likewise, those with depression need to understand that some people are going to say some seriously stupid shit, they will think they are helping and although they have good intentions, we all know where that road goes. Just smile and swear them in your mind. It's strangely satisfying. 😉
To sum it all up....those of you at the beginning. I'm sorry you find yourself here, but I'm excited because you are going to learn so much about yourself. So, become a take...
TAKE A BREAK.
TAKE YOUR MEDS.
TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK.
I know soooo many of the people who read this blog have been there, in that terrifying space. Please share far and wide. Light the f$@king way.
💡 As always, this blog is based on my own experiences and is not intended to generalise or minimize anyone else’s experiences. 💜💜