Updated: Dec 19, 2021
One day you wake up and realise that you need to embark on this spiritual journey. It can be so intimidating yet, stirring deep within, is an excitement that you cannot ignore. The more you dig, the more the learn, the more you dig, the more you understand yourself, the more you dig, the more you want. People often say that it feels like ''finding home''. For me, I spent a lifetime hearing what I should believe, hours deciding what I don't believe and then, after awakening, I knew what it felt like to believe, with unwavering certainty.
Sounds bloody marvelous, right? So easy....
No, not quite. To be spiritual means being truthful. Set boundaries, say what you mean, help others, take care of yourself and the hardest of all, know yourself. Living in authenticity. People don't get it - and that's fine but today I am annoyed by them. Today, I stare up at the sky and scream "What is it allll foooooorrrrr??????'' ''Why do I feel like an advocate for Crazy Town? I'm exhausted!
Like a bloody Zen parrot, I preach that we should ''go in!'' Well I do go in! It has been beautiful and enlightening and enthralling, but it doesn't happen like that all of the time. I'm stressed out and and the more I ask for clarity the more confusing the visuals get. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing spiritual charades while my guides hold their stomachs and assume the ''LMFAO'' position.
Can they not meet me halfway? I don't know what to do with the rock that is cracking open with light. I don't understand why the black square is dividing into two. Who are the people that emerge from purple? You keep showing me-I DON‘T RECOGNISE THEM! Who is the face on the outside of my protection bubble? I am told repeatedly that I mustn't give up because I'm almost there. Oh ok, at least...almost where???? 😑 In sheer frustration I cry. While my head is in my hands you say ''you're missing the bigger picture.'' Wonderful.....🙄When I look up, my guide places his thumbs on my forehead and pushes me back with a force that unnerves me. I ask him why and says ''you have to wake up.'' And then poof, he's gone. OMG!!!!! I am trying!!!!!!!!
No, its not all bad. I can now move energy, I'm given moments of serious clairsentience, I helped someone connect to a relative, my tarot cards are basically speaking to me and I have -on occasion-managed to quiet my mind.(that's saying something) I'm ranting, because its hard. There are no fairies and guardian angels just sorting your shit and making life bliss. To be spiritual is to receive a box of tools and some scary ethereal entities who stand over you and say ''now build something magical that bares your soul and inspires others.'' 🤯
I'm not ungrateful, I'm tired right now. Even though I know what it's all for, sometimes I need a map or a divine post-it with instructions. *sigh* When 'they' said ''be spiritual...'' , they were right, but today I needed to throw a tantrum.
Editor: Jenny Tart Heslop Spencer