I always roll my eyes when people say find balance. As if it’s an object hiding in a wardrobe somewhere. It’s actually bloody difficult. Worse still, I used to say it to people too.🙄
I mentioned in Speaking your truth that I often feel selfish. It’s not an exaggeration... I have had to carve out the time to work on spirit. Fit it into my busy life. Slowly but surely it takes over. It becomes what you want to do with your life. Live in integrity with spirit. It is a calling of the deepest kind and trying to balance that yearning with everyday ‘physical life’ is exhausting. I always feeling as though I’m stealing time... 😬
Time I should spend mothering, working, leading, studying, exercising and checking in with spirit. These are constant and the most important demands of my life.
I have to work, I enjoy work but it doesn’t always keep office hours. I have deadlines and goals and dreams and people who depend on me. It’s a lot, It’s crazy. So, when I put my head down at night I wonder... Did I speak to the boys enough? Do they know how busy my mind is? Am I an absent mother? Have I done everything? I should do more, be better? What have I forgotten?
Always wondering if I am in keeping with the elusive ’balance‘ that wiser people advocate. Always worried that I'm dropping a ball. It has to stop...
My quest is to become the best version of myself. Can I possibly attain that while worrying about all of this? Not likely. It begs the question... is it even possible for me to find balance?
Oh please! There is no balance, last year taught me that. There will always be something else, there will always be curve balls. To balance it suggests that I control it and I cannot. There are a multitude of opinions about how we should mother, work, lead, live! Its overwhelming and many are used as mechanisms for self judgement. The fact is, there is no book, video, meme or opinion about MY LIFE. I have to choose. I decide what works for me. There will always be people shaking their heads in disapproval, saying I should do more, do less, be here, be there, do this, do that. Haters gonna hate. Enough!
My shoes, my path, my life.
So where does that leave me?
Here reflecting, on the things that matter most. I find myself quoting many a great author, spiritual healer and my guide. ’BE PRESENT’. Giving 100% of my attention to the task at hand. It doesn’t matter what or who it is. So long as it or they have your undivided attention, the job will always be done and it will always be done well.
I am trying so hard to do ‘it all’ and to do it in integrity. It’s not all going to be perfect, I will balls it up now and again but I want to be able to look back and say I did it my way. So now I am very selective with what I do, when I do it and who I see. The more I protect my energy the less I have to deal with people and situations that annoy me, and the closer I come to living in integrity.
The point: Haters gonna hate. Trust yourself. You do you.👌🏼💗